The Officer Way

The officer way, is an ancient code that guides an officer. It acts as a moral force, that directs and shapes an officer’s demeanor. In an attempt to deconstruct the officer way, I shall largely describe how

 

1. An officer must use the ‘Officer Tag’
2. An officer must behave with other officers/common folk.
3. An officer must claim what is rightfully theirs

The moment one clears the dreaded UPSC exam, one is bequeathed the all powerful, “Officer Tag”. James Bond has 007, but he ain’t no officer. So without further ado, let’s jump right in and discover how to exploit use this tag.

Using the Officer Tag

Ever had another human being treat you like they treat everyone else? Ever had people toss a friendly smile at you? Ever had people not bend over backwards to make you more comfortable? Ever had to pay minimum toll for using roads?

Well no more of that! It is during times like these that you brandish your Officer Tag. And how do you do that? Simply shout, “I am an officer, Do as I say.” And if the commoner does not yield, then you may proceed to issue baseless threats in a stern commanding voice, conjuring consequences that would make anyone shudder.

Now that you’re an officer, you deserve respect ( why? because you passed an exam! gasp! ). You walk into a room and instantly everyone must take note. If there is a fancy sofa in a room, then it must be firmly positioned underneath your bum. The only expression that should be on people’s faces when you’re around is fear and/or respect.  If they seem comfortable, then you’re an embarrassment to the fraternity!

But even with the coveted tag, you run a risk of failing as a civil servant. The specters of Cornwallis therefore worked day and night to draft a set of principles to guide general conduct. Thus we have the hallowed Behavior Guide.

Behavior Guide

The Guide is simple, unless you’re responding to an officer of higher/similar rank you must not behave like a decent person. Your first reaction must be to shower the other with invectives. If you are able to completely crush the humanity within the other, then congratulations! you’re finally doing something right!

Now that an officer knows how to use the tag and how to conduct themselves, let’s move on to demanding what is theirs.

GIVE IT TO ME!

Since an officer is paid from the public exchequer, it is vital to squeeze the treasury for all you can grab. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, you must aim to maximize your spending. The money isn’t yours, so there is absolutely no excuse for not splurging.

You may also encounter instances where you’re not able to maximize your allowance. In those instances it is imperative that you throw a tantrum.

And while claiming what’s yours, it is important to always remember three things.

1. No demand is too outrageous.
2. If there’s space for a tantrum, throw a tantrum.
3. There’s always space for a tantrum.

And before I stop, here’s a video of our great forefathers displaying exactly the kind of conduct that is expected out of us servants of the decolonized public. Good day, fellow Indians!